What does courage mean to you ? So many of us as musicians feel it differently. I took courage to audition for the Swingles at 19 and it paid off. When I was younger I was ok with things being ‘messy’ as I knew I was new at things and couldn’t be expected to know everything right away. I took courage to tackle an extremely hard contemporary piece of music in hebrew with time changes that would test an extremely proficient orchestral player! It took me three months, but I did it and got my first (and only) review in the New York Times!
I have realised that we like to stay safe and cozy in our lives,
Later in life we are less tolerant of ourselves. We judge ourselves if we’re older, feeling like we should know it all by now! But why ?? We can still learn new skills at any age. There is a 62 year old PA who has started an online business helping your PA’s with what she knows and is making a huge success of things.
I believe that courage comes from taking action. Knowing it will be uncomfortable but being willing to try something new. Courage is what happens when we walk out on stage. Courage is what happens when we make a stance, when we say what’s ok for us and not ok for us.
Too many musicians (including me for a long time) Allow others to rule the roost and seem happy to follow yet moan about it. Courage is when you dig deep inside yourself and ask yourself what you really want. And how you really want to be as a person. Courage is when you evaluate your behaviour and thought process so that you become a richer person with a growing edge.
When you are willing to take courage give yourself permission to be happy, you become a better person, happier, more content, less concerned what people think. People are only concerned with their own lives and the sooner we realise that the sooner we can become our own person who has our own ideals and values and knows who we are.
From this place we have the chance to do real good for others. To share the message of hope, inspiration and motivation in our lives and for those around us.
We don’t always get it right. I didn’t get it right a few weeks back when confronted with my childhood abuser after some years. I held it together but basically was angry and resentful and allowed it to seep into the conversation although in a hushed tone. It was still there and the person it hurt the most – was me.
But each time it happens I learn a little bit more about myself and what I want to change in the future. I want there to be no trigger at all for me when I see him or hear his name. Because I honestly believe he is trying his very best to make amends. Albeit super clumsy and inappropriate in every way! The sooner I can heal further to a place of acceptance of what is, the sooner I will not get so hurt and taken over by triggering thoughts that take over. I remember how to notice my thoughts and go back a step into meditation practice. Double sessions or more often throughout the day. It stops the negativity taking over and the beating up on myself I have been so used to over the years.
So, take courage with yourself. With your family and with all your relationships. If there are issues, it will be because of you. Maybe not caused by you. But the pain you are feeling is inside you, and you are the only one who can heal it.